How can I tell if my partner has postpartum depression?

Signs your partner may have PPD include persistent sadness lasting more than 2 weeks, withdrawal from you and the baby, excessive crying, changes in sleep or appetite beyond typical new-parent adjustments, expressions of worthlessness or guilt, difficulty bonding with baby, and loss of interest in activities she used to enjoy. If you notice these symptoms, encourage professional evaluation.

What should I say to my partner who has postpartum depression?

Say: 'I see you're struggling and I'm here to support you,' 'This isn't your fault,' 'You're a good mother even when it doesn't feel that way,' and 'Let's get you professional help.' Avoid saying: 'Just think positive,' 'Other moms have it worse,' 'You should be grateful,' or 'You're being too sensitive.'

Can partners get postpartum depression too?

Yes. Paternal postpartum depression affects approximately 10% of new fathers, often triggered by sleep deprivation, relationship changes, financial stress, and witnessing their partner's PPD. Symptoms include irritability, withdrawal, loss of interest, and anxiety. Partners experiencing these symptoms should also seek professional support.

Partner Support for Postpartum Depression: How to Help Your Partner Through PPD

A comprehensive guide for partners on recognizing postpartum depression, providing meaningful support, and navigating this challenging time together—without making things worse.

Essential Partner Actions

Recognize

Learn PPD symptoms

Communicate

What to say & not say

Support

Practical daily help

How to Recognize Postpartum Depression in Your Partner

You might be the first to notice PPD symptoms because you can observe changes in your partner's behavior from an outside perspective. Look for these warning signs:

Persistent Sadness or Crying

She cries frequently (daily or multiple times per week), often without clear trigger, and the tears don't bring relief.

Withdrawal from You and Baby

She seems emotionally distant, doesn't want to talk about how she's feeling, or shows little interest in interacting with the baby beyond basic care.

Excessive Worry or Anxiety

Constant anxiety about the baby's health, your relationship, or her ability to be a good mother. She may check on the baby obsessively or have panic attacks.

Expressions of Guilt or Worthlessness

She says things like "I'm a terrible mother," "The baby would be better off without me," or "You should leave me and find someone better."

Changes in Sleep or Appetite

Insomnia even when baby sleeps, sleeping excessively, no appetite, or eating compulsively. These go beyond typical new-parent sleep disruption.

Irritability or Rage

Explosive anger, screaming at you over small things, or intense postpartum rage followed by shame and regret.

Loss of Interest

No longer enjoys activities she used to love, doesn't want to see friends or family, or expresses that "nothing matters anymore."

URGENT: Seek Immediate Help If:

• She mentions thoughts of harming herself or the baby
• She's having hallucinations or delusions
• She's unable to care for herself or the baby
• Her behavior is erratic or disconnected from reality

Call 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or take her to the nearest emergency room immediately.

What to Say (and Not Say) to Your Partner

✓ DO SAY

"I see you're struggling and I'm here to support you."

Validates her experience without minimizing

"This isn't your fault. PPD is a medical condition."

Removes shame and blame

"You're a good mother even when it doesn't feel that way."

Counters her negative self-talk

"Let's get you professional help. I'll come with you."

Encourages treatment and offers support

"What can I do right now that would help?"

Empowers her to ask for specific needs

"We'll get through this together."

Reinforces partnership and commitment

✗ DON'T SAY

"Just think positive / Snap out of it."

Implies she's choosing to be depressed

"Other moms have it worse."

Invalidates her suffering through comparison

"You should be grateful—you have a healthy baby."

Adds guilt on top of depression

"You're being too sensitive / dramatic."

Dismisses her very real symptoms

"This is just hormones—it'll pass."

Minimizes need for treatment

"I don't know what you want me to do."

Places burden back on her to manage your response

Practical Ways to Support Your Partner Daily

Emotional support is crucial, but practical actions often matter more. Here's how to help:

Take Over Night Duties (When Possible)

Sleep deprivation worsens PPD dramatically. If baby is bottle-fed, take some night feedings so she can get uninterrupted sleep.

Example: "I'll handle 11 PM and 3 AM feedings tonight so you can sleep from 9 PM to 6 AM."

Do Household Tasks Without Being Asked

Don't wait for instructions. See what needs doing (dishes, laundry, groceries) and do it.

Avoid: "What do you need me to do?" Better: "I'm doing laundry and going grocery shopping. What should I add to the list?"

Encourage (Don't Force) Self-Care Breaks

Give her guilt-free time away from baby care: "I've got the baby for the next 2 hours. Go take a nap / shower / walk."

Important: Don't frame it as "helping" (implies it's her job that you're assisting with). Frame it as shared responsibility.

Schedule and Attend Therapy Appointments

Research therapists, make the appointment, arrange childcare, and offer to drive her. Removing logistical barriers is huge.

Offer to attend couples sessions or partner consultations at Bloom Psychology: Book here

Protect Her from Unhelpful Visitors

Well-meaning family/friends can worsen PPD with judgment or unsolicited advice. Be her gatekeeper.

Example: "Mom, now isn't a good time for a visit. We'll let you know when we're ready."

Take Over Mental Load Tasks

Manage pediatrician appointments, track baby supplies, plan meals. Don't ask her to delegate—proactively take ownership.

Taking Care of Yourself as a Partner

You can't support your partner if you're burned out. Partner self-care isn't selfish—it's necessary:

Maintain Your Support Network

Talk to friends, family, or other fathers. Don't isolate yourself trying to be the "strong one."

Recognize Your Own Mental Health

10% of fathers experience paternal postpartum depression. Watch for your own symptoms of depression, anxiety, or overwhelm.

Set Realistic Expectations

You can't "fix" her PPD, and that's okay. Your role is support, not cure.

Ask for Help

Hire help if financially possible, accept offers from family/friends, or use meal delivery services.

Consider couples therapy or partner consultation at Bloom Psychology to learn communication strategies and navigate PPD together. Schedule here.

When to Encourage Professional Help

Encourage therapy if symptoms:

Persist beyond 2 weeks postpartum
Are getting worse instead of better
Interfere with daily functioning (eating, sleeping, baby care)
Include thoughts of self-harm or harming the baby
Are causing significant relationship strain

How to bring it up: "I've noticed you've been really struggling for a few weeks now. I think talking to a professional could help. I found a therapist who specializes in postpartum depression—can I schedule an appointment?"

Get Professional Support for Your Partner (and Yourself)

At Bloom Psychology, we offer individual therapy for mothers with PPD, couples therapy for navigating postpartum challenges together, and partner consultations to equip you with tools to support your family.

Schedule Consultation Call (512) 898-9510

Frequently Asked Questions for Partners

Is it normal to feel frustrated or resentful toward my partner with PPD?

Yes, it's normal to feel frustrated, especially if PPD persists for months and you're shouldering most responsibilities. These feelings don't make you a bad partner—they make you human. It's important to find your own support (therapy, friends, support groups) to process these feelings without directing them at your partner.

How long does postpartum depression last?

With treatment, most mothers see significant improvement within 12-16 weeks of therapy. Without treatment, PPD can persist for months or even years. Medication (if prescribed) often shows effects within 4-6 weeks. The timeline varies, but early intervention leads to faster recovery.

Should I tell our families about her PPD?

Ask your partner first. Some mothers find family support helpful; others experience judgment or intrusion. If she's comfortable, sharing with trusted family can expand your support network. If she's not ready, respect her privacy but ensure YOU have someone to talk to (friend, therapist, support group).

Can postpartum depression affect our relationship long-term?

PPD can strain relationships through communication breakdown, loss of intimacy, and resentment. However, couples who navigate PPD together with professional support often emerge with stronger communication skills and deeper connection. The key is addressing it early rather than letting resentment build.

What if my partner refuses to get help?

This is challenging. Try: 1) Express concern from a place of love ("I'm worried about you and want to help"), 2) Remove barriers (schedule the appointment, arrange childcare), 3) Suggest couples therapy instead (less stigmatizing entry point), 4) Consult with a therapist yourself for guidance on how to approach her resistance. If there's immediate danger, prioritize safety over her preferences.

Can I develop postpartum depression as a father/partner?

Yes. Paternal postpartum depression affects 10% of new fathers, with symptoms including irritability, withdrawal, anxiety, and loss of interest. Risk factors include witnessing your partner's PPD, sleep deprivation, financial stress, and relationship strain. Seek help if you're experiencing these symptoms—partner mental health matters too.